Growing Pains

As I mentioned before being on the verge of change is such a celebration but with any celebration there are bittersweet moments. Moments where the change that you want even hurts to obtain. A pain in letting go of the former things in your life to give the new things room to grow.

The new things that you’ve desired and long to have. Yet sometimes we become so complacent with our circumstances that when we are on the verge of change there is a resistance and a sadness.

Sometimes comes from letting things go but for me it is those circumstances and challenges pushing me to grow. It’s when there is a beautiful chaos in my life forcing me to be balanced and at peace. When everything is changing at once then feeling like I have two options change willingly or let it change me.

Both options sound about the same but what I realize is that when you do it willingly you have the power over what comes next. When you let life do whatever it wants feelings of victimization and being out of control arise.

I know this all too well because when I was about 13 years old I let life change me. The stresses of being a teenager was becoming apparent more and more. I was introduced to bpys, sports, and friends. Beginning my 8th grade year of school things started to make sense.

Living in New Jersey at the time I started cheerleading and was on the A squad which was a big deal. I cheered at my first wrestling game and the feeling was exhilarating. I loved knowing that everyone was watching, the pressure was on, and I was up to rise to the occasion. I was dating a Mexican boy and though he wasn’t every girls dream him being so into me made him mine. I had friends but I didn’t know anyone very well just had one that I was closest to then anyone but I don’t remember her name at this time.

Then suddenly my parents said we were moving to Savannah, GA. My life felt like it was crashing right before my eyes and change was inevitable yet the way I would handle it would be all up to me. Long story short my life became a bunch of decisions made for me about who I should date, what school to attend, and so and so forth.

I didn’t know what I wanted out of this change but only what everyone wanted for me. At the time I didn’t care and just checked out on life. I’m reminded that those years that I wasted partying, making bad decisions, and not living my life authentically could not be regained.

Until I met Jesus and my life wqas forever changed. I believed that the years to come could be better than all those years I lost. That I had power and authority over how I viewed my life. I chose to surrender those things I could not control but put in all my passion to change what I can. Overall I learned to accept responsibility for my actions, thoughts, and feelings.

19 So shall they fear the name of the Lord from the west, and his glory from the rising of the sun. When the enemy shall come in like a flood, the Spirit of the Lord shall lift up a standard against him.

-Isaiah 59:19 KJV

So as the change comes is like flood God will raise a standard. Even though everything that can go wrong is going wrong I will stand firm knowing this is the change I prayed for. The motivation to push me pass my comfort zone and help me and my family thrive. And for that I thank God and am confident that this time I will willingly change even if it’s painful.

Sincerely,