Today I talked to my mom and I explained to her how I’ve been doing my best to be more vulnerable. Vulnerable as a mother, wife, and just with those I love including myself.
Just recently my baby was recommended by his pediatrician for speech therapy. At first I didn’t let it get to me but when it came time for his speech evaluation, fears of being a bad mom started to set in.
As the therapist started to ask me about his routine what things he liked, what words he said, and the other cognitive skills he had the fears took a hold of me. I just knew for certain that the reason my baby wasn’t talking had something to do with my parenting.
All kind of thoughts began to go through my head was it my lack of attention, letting him watch too much tv. What could I have did to prevent this from happening? Instead of letting those fears silently eat at me, I asked the speech therapist was there something I did wrong.
I spoke out of my mouth, am I a bad parent because he isn’t talking well? The question I was thinking came out of my mouth. I knew that if I held it inside I would forever be thinking I was a bad parent.
Yet speaking it gave it less power over me. The therapist assured me that all kids develop differently and that it didn’t mean I was a bad parent. The few tears that dropped from my eyes was my sense of letting go.
Being vulnerable was the way I had faced my fears. I decided that from now on I would be more vulnerable with those I trusted. It reminded me of the scripture:
“Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.”
James 5:16 KJV
If I let my faults and my fears be known they would not have any hold over me. That I would be set free. This is something I encourage all to do so that your thoughts do not overtake you leaving you tormented.